Jessica Lahey

Modern parenting has become defined by an unprecedented level of overprotectiveness. We all know parents who rush to school to deliver forgotten assignments, challenge teachers on disappointing report cards, mastermind their children’s friendships or interfere on the playing field. According to teacher and bestselling author, Jessica Lahey, this “overparenting” has the potential to both ruin children’s confidence and undermine their education. By letting go and allowing children to learn how to solve problems on their own, we give them the tools to grow up to be self-reliant, confident and successful adults. That’s the Gift of Failure. Jessica reminds us that teachers don’t just teach reading, writing or arithmetic. Like coaches and others who work with children, they also teach responsibility, organization, manners, restraint and foresight — important life skills that shape stronger futures. In this powerful presentation that can be tailored to parents, educators, administrators, coaches, community members and students at all grade levels, Jessica Lahey champions failure as a crucial element of long-term success. She also provides indispensable advice for handling homework, report cards, social dynamics, competitive sports and more.

Offering three different versions of this talk (for parents, educators and kids), Lahey helps make the statistics and research come alive, and includes personal anecdotes culled from over twenty years spent teaching, parenting, and mentoring kids. Read More >

Parent talk: Lahey offers an evidence-based exploration of what it means when experts proclaim, “Substance abuse is preventable.” She begins with an overview of why humans use and abuse substances, an explanation of why the adolescent brain is uniquely wired for novelty and the risk of substance use while being uniquely vulnerable to those substances in very specific ways. She will identify the major risk factors for substance abuse and explain what adults can do to overcome the weight of a given child's risk factors. Lahey offers an overview of the research as well as concrete, practical takeaways adults can use to change their thinking and behavior and begin preventing childhood substance use and abuse at home. Parents will leave Lahey’s talks feeling informed, challenged, empowered and entertained. 

Educator talk: Substance abuse is preventable, and yet only 57 percent of schools in the United States offer substance abuse prevention programs. Of those 57 percent, only ten percent are based on evidence. Lahey believes can do so much better. Lahey will detail the research on substance abuse prevention and help teachers, counselors, and administration know what to look for in evidence based, effective substance abuse prevention programs that begin in early childhood and extend through high school and beyond. Educators will leave Lahey’s talks feeling informed, empowered and entertained. 

Kid talk: Years of research on the existing substance abuse prevention programs reveal that scare tactic, “just say no” and punishment-oriented programs do not work. In fact, some of these programs actually increase the chances kids will try substances. Effective programs arm kids with real data about their brains and cognitive development the harm addictive substances can have on their developing brains and give them solid refusal skills based in inoculation theory. The more kids know about substance use, the more they can overcome the incomplete or false assumptions we all tend to harbor, such as the belief that “everyone is doing it,” and the belief that everyone else values and consumes more alcohol than they really do. Kids will leave Lahey’s talks feeling informed, empowered and entertained. Read Less ^

The lessons of The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed extend beyond parenting and education, and the skill sets Jess Lahey writes about: building competence, resilience, engagement and motivation are essential for success in the workplace, especially as young adults move into their first adult jobs. Jess speaks at corporations and conventions about moving beyond workplace and personal failures by considering what went wrong, what went well, and leaving the mistakes behind while learning from them. Jess has had the opportunity to share the science and stories of The Gift of Failure at companies as diverse as Clif Bar, US Club Soccer, IDEO, Canyon Ranch, Microsoft, Google, and Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom and at conventions such as Harvard’s Learning and the Brain and the Massachusetts, Texas, Pennsylvania and California Conferences for Women.

Sports are an incredible testing ground for an athlete’s ability to learn from failure; to figure out what did not work, what did, and move forward from a place of learning and increased focus. Jessica Lahey, author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation teaches coaches and athletes that they have the ability to fuel this learning though experience by creating a culture of adaptation and resilience. What many coaches may not know, however, is they also have the ability to shape attitudes around substance use through modeling and careful selection of team leaders, who have an outsized impact on substance use in sports. Lahey speaks to teams and organizations such as US Club Soccer in order to help coaches and athletes understand the power they have to become more resilient and experienced in their sport while promoting a culture of healthy choices around drugs and alcohol for everyone, athletes and fans alike.

Current college students face unprecedented hurdles thanks to the recent pandemic and mental health crisis among young adults. Consequently, many students find themselves unprepared to make decisions, manage conflict, and self-advocate effectively with the people best positioned to help them make the most of their education and move into the workforce. Jessica Lahey uses the science of resilience, competence, and motivation to help students engage in their own education while learning how to set short and long term goals in order to plan ahead for a life beyond college. Finally, Lahey weaves the science of substance use prevention into her messaging around competence and self-efficacy in order to help young adults face the challenges ahead of them without having to resort to addictive substances in order to cope. Lahey’s message is a powerful vote of confidence for young adults looking to take control of their lives and for the parents of these young adults as they struggle to find ways to let go of that control so their kids can grow up on their own terms.